Dino Nugget Envy

Day 2

The withdrawal shakes have diminished a bit, and the raging headache is all that remains of my body trying to detox from all the crap I have fed it. These carb and caffeine withdrawals are a real thing. I had one episode of rage yesterday as my body desperately screamed for something starchy or sugary. My children, of course, were in the line of fire. It doesn't help that my husband is out of town this week, and that the travelling weeks tend to be slightly more stressful on us back home. I could have waited until next Monday to start my journey. I don't think any mother with a travelling husband would fault me for wanting to wait till my main support was home to ward off my vicious attacks on the innocent children. But I decided I had waited and postponed this long enough. 

Every waking minute today has been spent gauging how I feel in any given moment compared to the same time 24 hours prior. As long as I can clearly say that I feel better then I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. So if you were to ask what thoughts have run through my head today I would say that 90% of them have been any given variation of: "Okay. How do you feel? Are you doing okay?" 

I longingly watched my toddler scarf down dino nuggets and wished I could at the very least lick the toasty bread crumbs left behind on her plate. I had thoughts of Hawaiian shaved ice on this hot summer day. And probably like most Americans used to instant gratification I have been tempted all day long to go stand on the scale and see my hard work paying off. But I won't do any of those--I won't lick Millie's plate, and I'll drive past the Hawaiian shaved ice truck and I'll only pee in the downstairs bathroom because there is no scale there. I owe it to myself. I owe it to the children that have been entrusted to me by a loving Heavenly Father. I will not rob them of a mother because I am too selfish and weak to do this.