Day 14

Week two weigh-in: Down another 6 pounds...Say what?! I was preparing for the worst, but expecting the best. As a Biggest Loser fan I know all about the dreaded week two weigh in, and was a little leery to step on the scale this morning. And once again there was another big ol' sigh that escaped my lips--but this time it was a sigh of relief. I feel happy. I'm not elated, ecstatic, or overjoyed. I just feel really good. Content. I have a pair a pants--which is by no means my skinny pants--that I keep trying on to see if they button yet--and this morning was no different than the previous ones. Still no luck. But I'll get there and once I get there I'll get into the next size smaller and then the next size...Cause as anyone who has had fluctuating weights knows: I have jeans in every size imaginable. 

So even though I don't fit in those pants yet I have noticed a difference in the way I walk. There is a lot more confidence now--not because I look amazing, but because inside I know I'm doing something wonderful, and feeling so much better. All these years I've been not only carrying around extra weight but also the guilt that comes with knowing I have made awful choices in my life--that I'm knowingly cutting years from my life and heading down a path of sadness and misery that can only end in destruction. It has been self-destruction. I know that. Every time I would sit and eat I would look down at my plate and see destruction. And then the guilt would set in--this awful guilt that has been my constant companion. This guilt that has consumed me to the point of having restless nights, and making me feel worthless, weak and ugly. 

It's dissipating now. It's being replaced by something so much better. Every week I make it to another weigh-in without falling off the wagon I secretly pat myself on my back and I feel an added sense of strength and worth. Today was a good day. 66.5 pounds to go.