Confessions of an Unfit Mother

1. I don't grind my own wheat.
2. I don't bake my own bread.
3. I don't sew all my clothes--I can't even sew a button on or hem a pair of pants unless fabric glue is involved.
4. I don't have a home garden.
5. I don't do my own canning from the bounteous harvest of aforementioned garden.
6. We sometimes have "t.v. days" cause I just don't have the energy to plan great and exciting things for my kids to do.
7. I don't keep a journal for myself or for my amazing children.
8. Sometimes I can't sneak a shower into my crazy day.
9. I let my kids eat unhealthy snacks.
10. I don't shop with coupons.
11. I always seem to forget my reusable grocery bags when I go shopping thus increasing my carbon footprint.
12. I bribe my kids with candy.
13. Sometimes my kids go days without a bath.
14. It takes me days to do laundry cause I'll start a load and get so distracted I wont remember to switch it till days later at which point I have to re-wash the load.
15. I often forget to read my scriptures/say my prayers.
16. I screen my calls a lot--even those from dear friends.
17. I seem to live a lot in the "What if" mode and let my beautiful reality pass me by.

And this is only a partial list. I woke up this morning knowing it was going to be "one of those days." And then for a split second the negative thoughts began to surface--how I should be doing more of the good things and less of the bad things, and berating myself for not living up to these self-imposed expectations I feel I have to live up to. But you know what? I'm a good mother! My children are happy and healthy and thriving. I have the awesome blessing of getting to stay home with them. I am here for them whenever they need me. And although I may not be readily available when they come to me they always know I am close by. I need to quit beating myself up for all the things I don't do and start recognizing all the good I do.

In the words of Stewart Smalley: I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And gosh darn it, people like me.

Thanks for joining me for this mini therapy session. I feel better.

Study like a scholar, scholar!

Thanks Jill for the oh-so-gentle reminder! Sometimes I think "This is why I went to college?!" Sometimes I think what I'm doing is such a waste of time. Sometimes reading my book is so much more interesting that watching my kids try to impress me. Sometimes I get so caught up in the monotony of it all that I forget how fast time is really going and how important my job really is. Sometimes I wish they would hurry up and grow up instead of cherishing their innocence and curiousity. Sometimes I wish I didn't answer to the word "mom." Yet, never, ever have I stopped being grateful for them--for all that they teach me and for how effortlessly they forgive and so willingly love me. It's good to know that although I often-times think my work is unbearable/unnoticed I have not only a good husband by my side, but also the help of a loving Heavely Father.

Life is good.

Home is where...all your time and $$ go!

Things we've done around the house:

• Painted 2 walls in the kitchen a bright yellowy-orange--think orange julius.
• Replaced the medicine cabinet in the upstairs bath--unsuccessfully. Apparently, it's slanting to the left a little and it's driving Curran crazy.
• Painted upstairs bathroom.
• Painted kids play room.
• Window treatments for the play room, living room and kids bedroom.
• Pulled out a massive juniper bush in the front yard, dug up all the rocks and leveled it.
• Put another layer of rocks on the side yard.
• Edged 90 ft of side yard to put some kind of retainer in--tried to put retainer in by myself and after wresting with 60 feet of edging and hammering my hand while putting in stake #2 I gave up.
• Hung wall art in bathrooms, living room, kids room and kitchen.

And numerous other little projects have taken place--with many more on the "to-do" list still. Funny how when I moved into this house I swore it was move-in ready and there was absolutely nothing I needed to do to it...

All of a sudden I start to think about how all growing up my dad spent almost every free moment doing something around our house--fixing, updating, pruning, cleaning. That man was always busy, and I could never understand it...until now. And now I'm starting to understand why it pays to have multiple children--cheap labor. Even with this new revelation I still have NO plans of adding another "little Curran" to the mix. So don't get your hopes up. This baby factory is CLOSED. And it makes my two children that much more precious and valuable. They're like limited editions. And how did we go from talking about housework to my womb?

I'm a Goner...

So Curran and his two brothers that also live in Colorado have gone to Utah till July 5th. They said they were going out there to help their parents finish projects around the house that have taken more time than originally expected. I personally think he went on some "boy trip." He claims his finger is still swollen from the wasp sting so his wedding band is sitting on our dresser as we speak. I'm sure there will be a lot of movie watching and eating of fast food, and goodness knows what other mayhem these "wild" guys will cause--maybe some computer games, bowling and if they're feeling really adventurous maybe even miniature golf. Watch out Taylorsville, UT!! The Mitchell brothers on the loose!

But I am writing this post as a warning or S.O.S. of sorts. See, yesterday while edging our side yard by the sidewalk--which by the way is like 100 feet long! I had no idea how long 100 feet actually was until Curran handed me a shovel and told me to start clearing rocks. So we're out there shoveling away--sweating profusely when a guy on a bike comes riding by. I ignored him mostly, until I saw him circle around and stop in front of us to ask what we were doing. Curran proceeded to explain to him what we were doing and bike-guy says our work might be easier if we use a pick-axe first to break everything up. We exclaim what a genius he is and what idiots we are for not thinking of such a thing. He then offers to let us borrow his pick-axe as long as we're careful with it. He rides off and promises to be right back. Sure enough, a few minutes later he is strolling down the hill with a giant tool in one hand and a coffee cup in another. BTW, who drinks coffee in 90 degree weather?! This should have been my first red flag...

He shows Curran how to use the pick-axe and then offers to just finsh off the rest of the pick-axing (about 40 feet) for us so he doesn't have to leave his tool. We reluctantly agree--we're not used to having nice neighbors. Being from L.A. I eye everyone suspiciously. So he keeps digging and starts making small talk with Curran. Curran tells him that he is leaving town for 4 days and that his wife (ME!!) and his kids will be home alone the whole time!!!! I try to ignore his big mistake and find other things to do. So I start weeding the backyard, and about a half hour later Curran has invited bike-guy into our garage and out to the backyard to show him who-knows-what.

So this is the jist of what I'm trying to say:

1. There is a random bike riding guy out in my neighborhood who knows I am sans husband this weekend.

2.Curran has given him a tour of our home so I'm sure he has figured out the best places to hide and/or break in.

3. He owns a PICK-AXE!!

4. He's a red-head--and we all know how crazy those people are. Am I right?

SOOOOO, if you don't hear from me this weekend or anytime thereafter it's cause I AM DEAD!! I'm generally leary of strangers, but a stranger with red hair and a pick-axe? Hello! I am doomed.

P.S. Anyone who wants to come spend the night while Curran is away may inquire within...unless you have red hair.

I Just Want to SLEEP!

We've been struggling with getting Noah to sleep in his super comfy twin size bed since like...getting rid of the crib a year ago. It's been a battle every night. He is now two and a half and sleeping with him in our queen size bed is impossible (and painful).

We have tried everything short of locking our bedroom door and letting him figure it out at night. Our latest attempt(s) has been a combo of trying to get him to nap in the early afternoon--not at 6 pm as he would like to or eliminating the nap all-together so that he is so absolutely exhausted at night he will zonk out for at least 8 hours. Sometimes it works. Most times it doesn't.

So now I go in there and say a prayer, sing a song and choose our most favorite part of the day. Then I proceed to lay down (in a twin bed) with Noah in the hopes that he will be comforted by having me close and fall asleep--leaving me to sneak out of the room and back to my bed. That has happened probably twice in the 2 months we've been doing this. And I know it's our inconsistency that has made it so stinkin' difficult. It's hard to say "no" to that beautiful little face--especially when its 1 or 2 in the morning and you're half asleep.

But this post isn't about that. It's about last night and how flippin' tired I am today. I went into their room last night and did our nightly ritual. I left them there and Lola quickly fell asleep. Noah wandered in and out of our room multiple times and climbed into Lola's bed to try to wake her up. An hour later I got up and got him back in his bed and cozied up to him. He had me sing songs and then tried to climb over me to "go sleep daddy's bed." At this point I had had enough of being kicked by his pudgy little feet and slapped by his chubby little hands so I grabbed my pillows and laid on the floor...it was hard.

Without realizing it, I fell asleep and when I awoke I was sore and cold. But Noah was asleep--in his own bed! So I went back to my bed thinking the battle was over (it was 1 am). At about 4:30 he came sneaking in and since the sun was rising I let him under the blankets. But once again it's like being stuck in a confined space with a midget cage fighter. I left him there and took over his bed in the other room. 10 minutes later he came in looking for me and climbed in!!

So I have given up! I have come downstairs to find something productive to do (like blogging/complaining). And guess who is lying on the couch next to me?! Yup! Noah!!! It's touching and heart-warming to be so loved and needed, but couldn't it just be between the hours of 8am-8pm?! Please?!