It's been a while since I've posted anything. I think we've just been busy trying to find some kind of routine and normalcy out here. I think we've achieved it cause now I'm starting to find myself with some extra time and realizing how far away from home I really am. The few people I have shared these feelings with have been super supportive, and I know time will help. I've given myself lots of little pep talks, and I've been doing my very best at being at any social gathering and meeting new friends. And then...enter our first counselor in the bishopric...
We were at a ward new member social last night at the Bishop's house and things were lovely. We've had quite the influx of new families in the last few months. It was nice to be in a room with a lot of people that felt somewhat like we did. Towards the end we were approached by the first counselor and moved into a quieter area. Then the bomb was dropped...nursery workers?! What?! My first reaction was to scream and grab Curran by his shirt and say "I told you so!!!" Then the tears came. I was speechless.
I don't hate small children. I have two of my own and love them dearly. Thing is, we have a huge ward in a very small building. We have over 20 children in a nursery suitable for maybe half that number. Throw in a whole lot of toys and about 5-6 full-size adult bodies and you have a clausterphobic's worst nightmare!
We've been in the aforementioned nursery since our first week here cause we're having a tough time getting Noah to stay there--so he must be jumping for joy right about now. And now that I think about it the nursery leader must've ratted us out--figured we were gonna be stuck there anyway with a hysterical Noah, might as well make it official.
I usually last about 5 minutes before I feel like I'm gonna pull my hair out--sometimes even thinking it would be easier to just take Noah to class with me just to escape the confines of this room. These are the thoughts I have had as I have observed the workings in our massive nursery:
Dang, sure glad I don't have a nursery calling!
I don't ever want to work in the nursery!
What is that smell?!
Somebody shoot me now.
I gotta get out of here!
Please don't ever let me be called to nursery!
And now here we are. Nursery workers. I honestly am having a rough time coming to terms with this. Since the moment we were asked my head and heart have been in constant prayer. I'm gonna need serious spiritual guidance with this one. I feel a little betrayed to be honest. I feel like I do nursery at home 7 days a week with my own kids. I feel like sometimes my patience wears so thin with my own kids how in the world am I supposed to handle over 20? I know there are other nursery workers there, but since we're being honest...the guys in there walk in, find a spot to sit their behinds in and NEVER move. They're like bumps on a log! Or maybe they're human jungle gyms and do that sitting still bit for the entertainment of the little ones. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Besides, didn't Curran and I put in our time as nursery workers when we were first married? We're done! (We must've done an awful job cause here we are again)Side note: Back then we were ecstatic with the calling being newly married without children. Now we know better.
This morning I woke up thinking: "Come on, Carol. It's only 2 hours on Sundays. That's it! How awful can it really be?" And really, 2 hours isn't really a long time. My Sundays are just sacred. Relief Society has always been such an escape for me. I looked forward to Sundays and the ability to re-energize so I could face another week of being a mom and wife. I feel like this calling will just distance me even more from the sisters I'm trying to form friendships with. It's counter-productive. It goes against all my plans...and THAT is why I got this calling! I always get hit over the head (spiritually speaking) when I try to dig in my heels and do things MY way. I know callings are inspired. I know there is a purpose I do not yet understand. I just wish I could scatter some goldfish crackers on the floor, put out some bowls with water and lock the door as I run far, far away...
9 comments:
You get a calling where you can play with toys and eat snacks during church! I know it is hard to meet new people when you are in the nursery, but just work really hard in forming relationships with the parents as they come pick their kids up. You will survive. Ask if they can limit the time you are in the nursery (such as 1 year?)
Good luck!
Carol--I keep waiting to hear back from you! If it makes you feel any better, I've been serving in the nursery now for 18 months, and I have a 6 month old! I didn't even get released when I was pregnant or had a newborn! It is a continual challenge:You want to do a good job and love your calling, but spiritually it is a struggle, every week. Some days I love it, some days I feel like I don't have anything to give. The Lord understands. One lesson I'm learning in this calling is the meaning of the word endurance. Sometimes endurance is boring and tedious and not what you want. Hang in there! Think of all the blessings you'll receive for doing something you don't want to do!! At least there are snacks!!
Get out! Say no! You don't have to accept a calling in which you will be miserable!
Sorry! I deleted the first post because of so many spelling errors! I think faster than I type! :- )
I agree with Smash. There may be a calling, but to "thyn own self be true." You can't walk into this feeling as though you will rewarded for your good deeds. You must go in with heart and soul and not expecting anything in return. If you don't feel that way, it's okay, but you must be honest with yourself and those around you. Sacrifice is a constant in life, but you can't sacrifice yourself all the time for everyone, or those you truly care about will begin to suffer. Only you can make your own decision, but please keep all of this in mind :- )
Been there!!! Our second stint in nursery was a total blow to both Ryan and me. McKay was like 8 mos and took a beating each week in that TINY smelly room. For the first five months we came home with colds. Ryan had been laid off 5 mos before so he literally told me he felt like he'd been called to serve in outer darkness with the couple of screamers we had. I was still working full time and felt I NEEDED the 3rd hour lift and association in RS during that period in my life. Friends tried to sympathise/empathise. It's true, it's not fun and especially when you're new to the ward, which also happened to us. In the end, I can't say I'm grateful for the opportunity, but Ryan and I both learned some things that were good for our marriage. I felt peace knowing I was where the ward needed me and that the Lord had called me here. Many people do turn this calling down, I'm proud of you. This too shall pass. I had to decide to be happy over and over and over. You're doing the right thing and we all get our turns, eh? Praying for you!!! Love you!!!
Just found your cute little blog via facebook... We will have to keep updated!!! Good luck in Colorado... I am sure you will do great!
Hi Carol, it's Luz. I am so happy that you have posted your feelings here. I have the EXACT same feelings you have, I just have never shared them so openly. I was asked to be in the nursery about 2 months ago. I looked at the brother and he knew right away. There was just NO way I could do it. It was more than what I could handle. So I had to say NO. I have an almost 5 yr old, 3 yr old and a 10 month old! No mas! I need a break. Well, I hope you are doing o.k. and remember that you are taking one for the team!
Love Ya,
Luz
I know callings can be so challenging. Right after my 6th baby was born (5th girl), I was called to be the den leader of 24 boys.
As a former 1st counselor in Primary, these are some things I have found useful in running a good nursery. Have a lesson every Sunday. There is a lesson manual. Have the class take a walk now and then. (not during the break between RS and SS!) Ask the Primary Pres. to have the chorister come in and lead singing time for 10 minutes or so every Sunday. This way they learn how to sit, how to listen, and how to sing and act appropriately by the time they get to be Sunbeams. If there are other nursery leaders, arrange a rotating schedule for responsibilities. A good nursery leader is INVALUABLE and is hugely appreciated by the Primary Presidency AND the parents. Hang in there. You are laying the foundation of a great work. Prov 3:5-6
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