It's been a while since I've posted anything. I think we've just been busy trying to find some kind of routine and normalcy out here. I think we've achieved it cause now I'm starting to find myself with some extra time and realizing how far away from home I really am. The few people I have shared these feelings with have been super supportive, and I know time will help. I've given myself lots of little pep talks, and I've been doing my very best at being at any social gathering and meeting new friends. And then...enter our first counselor in the bishopric...
We were at a ward new member social last night at the Bishop's house and things were lovely. We've had quite the influx of new families in the last few months. It was nice to be in a room with a lot of people that felt somewhat like we did. Towards the end we were approached by the first counselor and moved into a quieter area. Then the bomb was dropped...nursery workers?! What?! My first reaction was to scream and grab Curran by his shirt and say "I told you so!!!" Then the tears came. I was speechless.
I don't hate small children. I have two of my own and love them dearly. Thing is, we have a huge ward in a very small building. We have over 20 children in a nursery suitable for maybe half that number. Throw in a whole lot of toys and about 5-6 full-size adult bodies and you have a clausterphobic's worst nightmare!
We've been in the aforementioned nursery since our first week here cause we're having a tough time getting Noah to stay there--so he must be jumping for joy right about now. And now that I think about it the nursery leader must've ratted us out--figured we were gonna be stuck there anyway with a hysterical Noah, might as well make it official.
I usually last about 5 minutes before I feel like I'm gonna pull my hair out--sometimes even thinking it would be easier to just take Noah to class with me just to escape the confines of this room. These are the thoughts I have had as I have observed the workings in our massive nursery:
Dang, sure glad I don't have a nursery calling!
I don't ever want to work in the nursery!
What is that smell?!
Somebody shoot me now.
I gotta get out of here!
Please don't ever let me be called to nursery!
And now here we are. Nursery workers. I honestly am having a rough time coming to terms with this. Since the moment we were asked my head and heart have been in constant prayer. I'm gonna need serious spiritual guidance with this one. I feel a little betrayed to be honest. I feel like I do nursery at home 7 days a week with my own kids. I feel like sometimes my patience wears so thin with my own kids how in the world am I supposed to handle over 20? I know there are other nursery workers there, but since we're being honest...the guys in there walk in, find a spot to sit their behinds in and NEVER move. They're like bumps on a log! Or maybe they're human jungle gyms and do that sitting still bit for the entertainment of the little ones. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Besides, didn't Curran and I put in our time as nursery workers when we were first married? We're done! (We must've done an awful job cause here we are again)Side note: Back then we were ecstatic with the calling being newly married without children. Now we know better.
This morning I woke up thinking: "Come on, Carol. It's only 2 hours on Sundays. That's it! How awful can it really be?" And really, 2 hours isn't really a long time. My Sundays are just sacred. Relief Society has always been such an escape for me. I looked forward to Sundays and the ability to re-energize so I could face another week of being a mom and wife. I feel like this calling will just distance me even more from the sisters I'm trying to form friendships with. It's counter-productive. It goes against all my plans...and THAT is why I got this calling! I always get hit over the head (spiritually speaking) when I try to dig in my heels and do things MY way. I know callings are inspired. I know there is a purpose I do not yet understand. I just wish I could scatter some goldfish crackers on the floor, put out some bowls with water and lock the door as I run far, far away...
